LadyLove says:

Well Charlie, I’d lie if I said it was easy. It’s not easy to ask someone if they’re clean.. or even to tell someone that you have something for that matter. Unfortunately it is the reality of our era that nearly everyone will be (or will have been) infected with some sort of STD by time they hit their 30s. So, my advice is to be as honest and open as you can. The best way I found that works is by telling them you would like to get tested again and then asking them when was the last time they’d been tested. That way you’re not accusing, condescending or assuming, instead you are putting yourself on their same level. Don’t be shy to ask them how’d they do on the test. It’s nice if she got tested three months ago but you’d still like to know the results. It is absolutely your business to know if your relationship is heading toward a sexual level. I would also recommend that regardless of her last results, you ask her if she wouldn’t mind going and getting tested again and you will do the same for her. This shows that you not only value yourself but her safety as well. She’ll respect it and do it, and if she doesn’t she’s a tramp and you need to run in the opposite direction pigeon toed and screaming like a little girl. Okay, well maybe not that last part. Remember, you both get tested (hey, make a date out of it), and you both share your written results with each other… otherwise there’s really no point. Hope this helped!

MsZombie says:

Simple, just ask her. If she gets offended then she must be hiding something. To me, if the person asked me first it also shows that they are concerned about their health as well, which equals responsibility. Just do it nicely. For example, don’t go up to her and be like ” Bitch, when the last time you got your ass tested?” You can rephrase that to, “Look I have been really feeling you and I just wanna know if you have anything or ever been tested.”

LadyLove says:

Unless you’re dating a Realdoll, don’t expect her to cope too well with cheating. As if the sneaking, lying, and betraying isn’t bad enough, in this day and age you’re putting her health and well being at risk also. What if you cheat on your lady and bring home an STD? So, not only will you crush her emotionally, but you just gave her something that will effect her for the rest of her life. Bottom line, if you are absolutely set on cheating make sure you wear protection and remember Karma’s a bitch.

As far as women go when it comes to them doing the cheating, I can’t answer that from experience but I assume it is just a need that their man isn’t fulfilling, whether emotionally or physically. If you know your woman is cheating my advice, get out. Trying to patch up a relationship after in infidelity is like trying to spoon out water from a sinking boat.

MsZombie says:

As some one who has been cheated on and has cheated as well, I can tell you cheating normally eats away at you. When I used to cheat it was because I was bored and settling with some one. After a while it just got to me because I was not happy in either relationship and then I would normally break up with the guys at the same time.
On the other hand being cheated on sucks more. I normally just dumped their asses after they came out to me and told me they cheated. There has only been one where I stayed and tried to see if we could make it. I only stayed because of the timing of when it happened. It was still very hard for me to get over and trust him again,  but if you think you can get over it then try. It will always effect a relationship either way. No matter how long you are with that person. Just remember that.

Ms.Zombie says:

Here is my short but true answer. The second you feel something sexual is about to happen you need to tell her and there is no way to do it nicely either. I know you’ll be scared she is gonna leave, but she will more likely stay around if you let her know before you do something than after. I only say this because if you do it after she will have a trust issue.

LadyLove says:

Unfortunately, it is the reality of our era that everyone will eventually have something. The statistics are amazing. Approximately 1 in 4 sexually active people have an STD… how many notches you got on your belt, bucko? Let’s do the math. If you have had sex with 8 people, you’ve been exposed to STD’s on two different occasions. Things that make ya go Hhhhmmmm… Another zinger, 90% of the population over 12 yrs old has type1 herpes (oral). This can easily be transmitted to the genitals. Yea, ain’t it somethin’!

LadyLove’s gonna get a little testy here, just forewarning ya! STD’s are a huge issue with me because I’m a safety girl through and through. Everyday new humans are being born completely disease free, and every day the numbers of those infected with STD’s continue to soar. STOP THE MOTHA FUCKIN’ SPREAD PEOPLE! It’s not fucking worth a little shake off your dick. C’mon, STD’s suck ass and you don’t want to be an ass sucker! Wrap it up and get your partner tested before you touch them!

Ok, I just had to get that off my chest.

So to answer your question, Dana, the moral thing to do is to tell her before you have sex. The incredibly inconsiderate and selfish thing to do is not tell her. If you’re concerned with whether or not she’ll have sex with you if you tell her ahead of time, then you don’t have the right gal… and she has the right to make that decision.

Obviously, your decisions in life should not affect other people to the point of potentially ruining their life so it is your responsibility to A.) Educate yourself on your STD, and B.) Tell her you are infected. Keep in mind, it’s not a matter of IF, it’s a matter of WHEN you’ll pass it to her.

My suggestion, offer solutions if you do have an STD. Educate her about what it is you have, how to prevent spreading it to her, and how you feel about her. I should also say that if you have an STD it’s now your responsibility to educate yourself on treatments, protection, and health risks.

Don’t wait until she contracts it before you confess. Admitting you have an STD and you knew about it before the two of you had sex is HUGE grounds for resentment, anger, and termination! I suppose there are plenty of Humper’s out there who ignore and/or hide their STD(s), but that unfortunately doesn’t make them go away. If you value her health and safety, even if it’s someone you don’t know that well, you need to be a decent human being and fess up. Chances are if she likes you enough as a person she’ll over look it or she may just have one of her own to share.