Happy Humper Sex Advice for Men By Women » sex toys

Fuck The Six Month Rut… literally.

Lady Love — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 16:05:46 +0000

"Excuse me ma'am, I'd like to motivate you to have sex with me!"

The 6 month rut. We’ve all experienced it.

Let me fast forward through the boring shit. You met a gal, liked her enough to have sex with, liked her sex enough to have a relationship with her, fucked like rabbits while you got to know each other and now counting sheep get more action in your bedroom than you. I hear ya. It usually happens after the honeymoon phase is over. You start to get comfortable. The initial excitement wears off and you find yourself 6 months, a year, two years into a relationship with someone you love and enjoy, but aren’t having the same fun in the sack you used to. What happened to that girl you used to have sex marathons with? Fuck if I know. I bet at this point sex in the shower’s totally not an option and you’re lucky if you get it once a week. You poor guy. Pshh, fuck that. Here’s what you do, humpette style.

CHANGE IT THE FUCK UP!

Go to the sex shop on your damn lunch break or on your day off… without her. I want you to buy a pocket rocket or something manageable and non-I’m-a-pervert style. What do I mean? Do not bring home a KINGSIZED DONG okay? Pocket rockets are great and cheap. If you are already using toys in the bed, get something that you haven’t tried or used on her. Buy some flavored lube but ask the dude behind the counter what sells the most and which is the best flavor. Next, I want you to buy a blindfold, feather, something to tie her up with and candle. Don’t forget the lighter.

I want you to brush up on your dirty talk. Don’t use the regular lingo if you guys already dish the dirty. Switch it up, get really dirty. Object of the game here is to totally surprise her and knock her ass out of the comfort zone.

Women get turned on not only by the physical stuff. The fact that you planned all this just for her (really for you too) will be a massive turn on as well. Enjoy the results. And remember that when the 6 month rut comes along, you can always find something new or different to spring on her.

The Darker Side of the Foot Fetish

Ms.Zombie — Mon, 24 May 2010 13:22:50 +0000

Like everything there is normally a darker side to a fetish. This doesn’t mean it is bad, it just means that its a tad more dangerous. How could a foot fetish be dangerous? Well 3 common activities with this fetish is bondage of the feet, crushing/ trampling/ peddle pushing, and whipping. They are all basically when pain meets pleasure and is definitely not for every one.

Crushing/ Trampling/ Peddle Pushing:

I know a lot of guys take pride in their family jewels. There are some though that like them boy’s to be tortured. The idea of being punished gets them off and in the foot fetish world it would be done by three things: crushing, trampling, and peddle pushing. They are all very similar and revolve around a woman wearing a boot or stiletto and using the shoe on various parts. Crushing is exactly what it sounds like. Taking the soul of the shoe or the heal and crushing the ball sack or dick. Peddle pushing is mostly done with the soul and I’m sure you can imagine it in your head. Trampling I think is a little more violent because unlike the last two this has a little more force to it. Whichever one you like please be careful and use safe words, you don’t want he to rupture anything.

Bondage:

Yes you can do bondage with the feet. This actually goes back to ancient Asian traditions of trying to keep their women’s feet small. Now a days they use it for sex. It ranges from using rope or cloth to ankle cuffs and toe cuffs. If you decide to go this way make sure that the bonding are not too tight. Also make sure there is an easy way out. If there are locks make sure that they work as well. The last thing you want to do is have to stop sexy time to go to the ER and have them remove your ankle cuffs because the lock jammed and your feet are turning purple.

Whipping:

Ever go to a sex store and see those cat toy looking things? Well those are to inflict pain. Normally they are used for ass cheeks, tits, backs, etc. but you can use them on your feet as well.. I’m not saying go and give her a savage beating on her feet, but a couple good whips won’t hurt. Paddles work well too. Anything really to make you feel in control. Just make sure her feet aren’t fully flexed cause you don’t to over extend the foot when contact is made.

So have fun with your bad self, just make sure you don’t get toooooo hurt.

First Time with Bondage

Ms.Zombie — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 14:58:28 +0000

Now I won’t lie, I like being held down alittle, which lead me to write this article. Bondage is one of the most destructive, yet popular fetishes. Why? Well some people like to be in control and others like to be helpless. Now I am not saying I like being helpless all the time but sometimes it can be fun. Now whether or not you have fun with it is based on if you know how to do it correctly.

Let’s get some background on this sexy thing called bondage. Bondage was originally a torture device, but just like everything that is good, it got thrown into the gutter. Now you can use hand cuffs, rope, duck tape, wires…. the list can go on, but there are some key points you have to remember. First, don”t forget your safe word bitches. Second, never, ever leave the bondage person alone. Also, try not to do anything that would suffocate the person…. that’s not cool. For example, if she has a stuffed nose and you have her hog tied on the bed don’t use the gag ball on her… get my point? Think a little before you start.

Now that you are ready to try, there are a couple things you can do after you tied your bitch up. You can use it as a great foreplay device. You can go down on her, rub her pussy or even take a toy out like using a vibrator. you can also fuck her if you would like to, just don’t forget to tease the crap out of her. Some people like to be tickled or spanked while tied up as well.

Remember boys, you don’t need to go all out for this first. Start with blind folds, maybe hand cuffs or a Japanese rope set. Believe it or not you actually might find this brings you and your chica closer together. Bondage takes a lot of trust, so pay attention to her signs because if you want more, do it right the first time!

I will definitely be coming back to this topic more in the future but this is just the beginning of the relationship with you and bondage, so check back for more.

Some articles that might help you to do fun things during bondage are:

Hair pulling

Safe word
Nipple Stimulation

Relationship Advice

admin — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 02:24:35 +0000

“How do you get your lady in the mood – especially in a long term relationship?” (Xander, 29)

LadyLove says:

I find that simple things will do it. Although we act like complicated creatures, we’re really not. Simple things like calling your lady at work and talking dirty to her, or telling her how much you want her will guarantee a good night of romping. It’s always best if you boost her self esteem… stroking her ego will definitely get her in the mood.

If you’re looking for something specific here’s an idea. Spend time and money on her. I know it sounds materialistic and I’m not by any means saying you have to spend money on her to get you some, but I’m just throwing a ‘for example’ out there. A good way to soften her up and rekindle some sexy time is to ask her out on a date. Once she accepts your invitation tell her you’re going to take her shopping for a dress and shoes to wear on the date. This is a very cute touch and a nice way to make her feel good about herself. DONT just give her your Visa ok. Physically go with her and make a fuss when she comes out of the dressing room. I’ve had feedback from a few Humper’s out there and they were surprised how much fun they had playing dress-up with their gal pals.

If you want something a little more interesting, another idea is going lingerie shopping together or even sex toy shopping.

If money is tight, or you’re a tightwad, here are a few more ideas: Cook for her and set up a picnic on the floor in a tiny corner of the house with a few candles lit, take her to the beach at night for a moonlight make out session, or when she gets home offer her a foot massage and slowly work your way into a full-body-with-a-happy-ending massage

A little attention goes a long way with women and will put her in the mood to get it on. Feel lucky, in a long term relationship you have the advantage of knowing your woman in and out, which means you can cut loose enjoy her without worrying if she has an ulterior motive.

Ms.Zombie says:

This is always going to be an ongoing question in a relationship. I noticed the longer I am in mine, the more romantic things seem to get me in the mood. Like getting n back rub or a bubble bath. However on the same token, it turns me on when he picks me up and slams me into the wall of the parking lot to make out with me.

When you are in a long relationship I think the key to turning her on is to do something you haven’t done in a while, and by “in a while” I mean something you would have done within the first two months of you dating. Sometimes you just get into the habit of having plain sex at the same time on the same days. I guarantee if you show her random things you did, whether it be sexual or not, she will be the one ripping your clothes off.

Sex Tips by Ladylove

Lady Love — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 15:09:18 +0000

These days it’s perfectly normal to spice up the bedroom with some toys! Even if you think you have the prudest chick, give her a shot, she may be more of a freak then you think. Here are some ideas of things to keep in your toy box:

Handcuffs! Or, for those of you (like me) who are afraid to misplace a key or two or three, get creative. Use your tie when you get home from work!

Pocket Rockets! If you’re afraid she’ll shy away from introducing a real sex toy, pocket rockets are a great segue. Use it all over, just remember, if you put it in the pooper wash and sanitize it BEFORE you put it anywhere near the vagina!!

Sex Dice! Leave it up to fate… my suggestion, get glow in the dark dice and do it in the dark. This way not only are you reading what you should do, but then you’re forced to feel your way across her body to get to the body part you need to suck, lick, bite, kiss, or blow on. Another caution, get BIG dice. The little ones are maddening!

Blind Fold! Again, if she’s a little shy, use your tie or when you go to undress her, leave her shirt half over her head. This way you can control her arms and have her blindfolded.

Feathers! Come out of the shower naked and wet, lay her down and forbid her to touch you. Come to her with feathers, ice, or some other tickling device and have your fun! Best if she is blindfolded or laying face down. Goochie, goochie, goo

My advice, be creative! There are hundreds of toys to put in your box, all are wonderful and what’s even better is that she’ll appreciate you taking the time to plan something out. Just don’t rub her down with like a slim jim or something…