only a kid could get away with that!

Sex Tip Of The Day:

Hi Humpers, I’m back!!!

I do have a great sex tip for you fella’s out there. It happened the other day and I enjoyed it very much and thought I’d share. See how thoughtful I am : ) Just playin. So anyway, I was kissing and enjoying myself quite a bit (cuz boy had some moves), when he did something that sent me through the roof. While we were kissing he had his hand on the small of my back. No biggie, that’s a staple move for most men, but while we kissed he slid his open hand from the small of my back down over the middle of my upper ass and pushed me closer to him and held me there. I was wearing a very short skirt at the time and every fiber in my being wanted him to just go a little further south, but he didn’t. Very sexy. Actually, it was wonderful. I’ve been groped, slapped and fondled but this was like the gentlemen’s way of adding a little fire to the kiss without all out grabbin my goodies. Try it next time you’re making out and get back to me!

Which brings me to my sex tip of the week:

 Women’s nipples are attached. They are there for pleasure and a little bit of pain. One of the best ways to begin foreplay is by doing one or all of the following:  tweaking, twisting, caressing, kissing, sucking, blowing or licking your gal’s nipples.

If you bite, please be mindful. DO NOT make me post Castle Freak on this website to teach you all a lesson in what NOT to do to a girls nipples. I’d like to heal my wounds and not revisit the movie if at all possible. Oh my God even looking at that picture is making my nipples twitch…. he’s freaking me out!

MsZombie says:

I would not say better, just different. The main difference to me is that normally women are softer and men are more aggressive. Let me go into this more for you. Women, no matter how rough and brutal the make out session is, her mouth is going to be soft and soothing. Why? Maybe it’s because most women don’t shave there face, or the lip gloss keeps our lips hydrated, but besides that I do not know. Men have more power normally behind kissing, but I have found guys are bigger wimps than girls. How can a man be wimpier than a girl? Well, the women I have kissed often can take biting better and get pleasure, where guys just say “Ow that hurts” and ruin the moment.
The only other reason why they might say a girl is better is because us girls know what we want. Just like I got my info when I started giving head from a gay guy. Why you ask? Well guys know what feels good so they would know how to do it better, maybe girls are just more in tuned with other girls??? I don’t know.

LadyLove says:

I’ve been thinking about this one for a little while now and I do have to say that women are better kissers. It’s just like the ole stigma that men won’t stop to ask for directions because they’re convinced they already know where they’re going. Yea, that’s the best way I can describe it. Girls practice on each other at slumber parties and shit. Guys don’t watch the movie Cruel Intentions a hundred times and then practice on each other. Guys kinda get thrown out there to fend for themselves. If they’re smart, they catch on to what girls like. If they are convinced they know where they’re going and don’t want to ask for guidance they often end up lost. I do have to say though, women will be more than happy to assist you guys if you just asked. And don’t ask “Am I a good kisser?” because she’ll try and be polite and that wont solve anything. Instead, ask her “how do you like to be kissed?” or ask her to kiss you, let her take the lead and you follow. This is not only a turn on for her, but as you well know all women are different and like different things. Follow her lead and you’ll be better than any of her slumber party friends in no time.

One of the most fun things about sex is when and where to have it. In this particular article, if you haven’t guessed, we’ll be talking about the WHEN to have sex and how it’ll benefit you, your lady, and your insomnia (should you have it). If you’re with a partner who is just as in love with sex as you are, then this can strengthen a relationship and build comradery. It can also improve relationships should you have one that’s going down the shitter. Sex, although we like to dismiss it as not the most important thing about a relationship, can make or break ya… even on the women’s end.

As a woman, I am familiar with what we do best which is deny things to ourselves that we know deep down are true. By that I mean it’s possible a woman may not admit she’s being ignored, or has a dull sex life, or even admit that she cares about such things. She may not admit it, but she knows it. And guaranteed if she ever gets that doting, sensual, and thrilling sex life she never knew she always wanted, she will find happiness and contentment. So, we may not admit it, as we don’t want to seem like perverted sex addicts… but sex IS a lot of everything.

Having said all that, I’ll move on. As mentioned before, I’m totally pissed about this insomnia situation that’s been plaguing me. Instead of sleeping, I’m left laying awake at night and thinking. Part of all the thinking has been about sex. Hey, I own a sex advice column what else am I supposed to think about??? Well, it was during all this new thinking time that it crossed my mind to miss having midnight sex… something awful actually. Midnight sex was always great when I’d find myself unsatisfied with the temperature in the room, the itchiness of the sheets, the constant hamster turning on its wheel in my head. All of it. Sex is the ultimate no brainer. If you want to de-stress and clear the mind of all your worries, sex is the answer. Not to mention with sex your senses rule all and knock that damn furry bitch off the squeaky wheel faster than you can say “Brooke Burke has a bodacious bottom.” Another plus, it also doesn’t hurt that it takes physical movement which will/should knock you right out.

Midnight sex is a great way to solve a multitude of problems. It’ll cure insomnia (I believe), please your partner (and yourself), and keep things spontaneous and passionate in the relationship. I’m not talking about waiting til 2 in the morning to start doing it. Midnight sex is a sleepy and unplanned kind of passionate love making.

"Hi, ya'll! I'm Wanda!"

If you want to try midnight sex then here are some tips from yours truly. You first need to stroke and kiss your partner awake. What I mean by that, gently coax her out of their sleepy realm with soft, caressing touches and gentle kisses all over her body. Don’t, and I stress DO NOT, jump on her, shove your tongue down her throat and start humping her like a damn redneck with a Realdoll named Wanda. That’s just weird. You do actually want your gal conscious when you’re performing the act.

What I HIGHLY recommend, is that midnight sex begin from behind your partner. Gently coax her out of sleep with all those sweet, sensual movement’s we spoke of above. Kissing the back of her neck, down her spine, or around her hip bones will surely bring her out of Dreamy Land and put her in LaLa Land. Hopefully, after a few minutes she’ll start to moan or stir a little bit. If she’s still snoring then replace her Ambien tomorrow night with a Tylenol cuz bitch is one solid sleeper.

But once you’re confident she’s waking up a little, you’ll know this because she may start reciprocating with some grinding or touching of her own, then start to undress the parts you need. Slide your hand to move whatever she’s sleeping in just out of the way enough for you to enter her. I don’t recommend fully undressing her as this will wake her all the way up and that’s not so hot at this point in the hot midnight sex session.

Ok, so she is exposed enough, here is when you gently slide in for some sweet side sex. After a few minutes of slow, rhythmic side sex she’ll definitely be awake. If you’re both into it, stick with it. If things start to get heavy then feel free to mount. The rest is up to you. Just don’t get too lax and forget to use your methods of protection against pregnancy (whether you pull out and pray or wrap it up).

Try the hot midnight sex trick and see if it doesn’t cure your insomnia.

Also, being a temporary insomniac has left me thinking about the few fella’s I’ve dated who #1, only had sex before bed, as if was the glass of warm milk they had to drink to put them to sleep, and #2, only had sex in the bed. If you are one of these Humpers that feel restricted to a sex schedule in the sack, then try to switch it up a bit… babysteps. We’re going to try at first to have hot sex at unconventional times to get you out of that comfort zone and keep some of the passion alive. For right now you can keep it in the sack if that’s where you’re most comfortable but be prepared, once you’ve ditched the sex schedule and you’re a midnight sex god, we’ll be changing up the location!

Try it and get back to me. Happy Humping!

Ms.Zombie says:

Yes that would be cheating. Think how you would feel seeing your girlfriend sample kissing another guy. It would probably suck and you would feel insecure about yourself. Well girls are the same way. Girls get hurt as easily as you do.

ladylove says:

Yes, yes, yes. There is no sampling or rationalizing cheating on someone. You are in a relationship, you have lead someone to believe you are committed to them, be committed or get out. Or, vocalize what’s going on. Obviously, she’s not doing it for you if you’re thinking about sampling another woman, so ask if things could be open for a while. If you do care about her just imagine how much you’d hurt her if she found out, because you know she’d DEFINATELY consider it cheating. Or, like Granny always used to say, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Would you care if this girlfriend that you ‘love’ was sample kissing other guys?

Uh, probably!

Not to mention, how far can you really go with that faulty rationalization? What’s next, a sample screw? Shit or get off the pot.

Madam Cougalicious says:
Jon give it a rest… Are you trying to fool yourself because that’s what it sounds like to me.  We both know that the kiss will lead to sex.  If you have feelings for someone other than your girlfriend, you need to do the adult thing and communicate.  You could do the immature thing, cheat which will lead to getting busted and lots of drama.  And we all know how much guys love drama.  Grow up!!!