Mayra Veronica

The month of July reminds us of many things. Sitting in a leather couch is like sitting to the old-school fly catching tape, it’s not worth the $1.50 you spent on that popcicle because half of it melted onto the ground, and keeping baby powder handy is muy importante.

But the first week of July reminds us, even with recent struggles, how awesome this country is. It’s also a time to remember those who make the sacrifices to make sure our independence is preserved and kept sacred.

It’s at those time, for those individuals, that it’s important to maintain a quality spank bank. Well fellas, let me introduce you to the hottest pin-up girl that is hitting the middle east harder then car-bombs. Mayra Veronica may be cuban-born, but she has put ample amounts of time and energy into lifting the spirits of our military members on numerous USO tours.

With all that aside, she’s a bombshell. She was voted of one the Top 100 sexiest women, by FHM, and has been featured in countless commercials. Did I mention she’s really freakin’ hot? Definitely worth a google or two. To the men, and lesbians, that are serving in our armed forces overseas, left with nothing but a magazine, a bottle of Jergens, and that “sock,” we here at HappyHumper.com salute you. Of course we salute with our left hand, because our right hand is kinda busy right now.

Salma Hayek

Ok, so as soon as I think Salma Hayek, four things come to mind. First, the movie Desperado with Antonio Banderas, beauty is the best word to describe her in that flick. Second, another Robert Rodriguez movie, From Dusk Til Dawn, starring Quentin Tarantino along side George Clooney. Large boner is the best way to describe my reaction to watching her strip-dance in that movie. Third, loving the fact that she still looked hot as hell even when she gained the baby-weight. Although, that may be a biased opinion because I like ‘em thick, if you know what I’m sayin’. You know, YOU KNOW! Yeah, ok. And fourth, I will always wear a rubber when I’m fuckin’ celebs cause now that crazy bitch won’t stop callin’ me for child support. I love ya Salma, and you’re fine as hell, but I want a blood test first. I aint no sucka. Anyways, Salma, Ms. Hayek if your nasty, has stood strong against the test of time (you know, pot-belly, saggy boobs, droopy ass, wrinkles, busted toes) and continues to light up a room with her only-the-gods-could-have-created-this-chick physique and charm. For that reason, we salute you. Let’s make another baby Salma, you’re still beautiful with a lil’ extra cushion and I’ll still be spankin’ it even if it looks like you’re gonna give birth to a baby whale. Plus pregnant-Salma has retarded-huge boobies! Spank Bank, count it!

Our Spank Bank Chick of The Month:

Scarlette Johansson

We at HappyHumper.com LOVE Scarlette for her adapability and versatility. We think YOU’LL love her for her sex appeal which is why we’ve included her in our Spank Bank for the month of May.

She can be classy, sassy or chic… OR skank her up and you still get one hot piece of trailor trash!

One of the best things about her, aside from her mad acting skills, she is definitely a curvy chick. If you like ‘em flat you may want to skip this month. She represents women with curves all over the world… hers just happen to be top notch. This busty beauty has made our spank bank and we hope she makes it to yours. HappyHumping!

This month we humbly nominate Hayden Panettiere, our super hot, super hero Spank Bank Chick!!

We’ve nominated her for several reasons this month. For one, nothings hotter than a busty blonde in cheerleader gear running around saving the world, right? We didn’t think so!

She’s be reigning queen of Heros as Claire for several seasons but her filmography dates way back to episodes of Law & Order and even Scooby Doo!! That brings us to our reason two, she’s super experienced (woot!). We love a chick who can hold her own on the big screen and not make us wince at playing the stereotypical dumb bitch (even though I’m sure a few of those will end up in our spank bank)!

Reason three: Super classy. We here at HappyHumper are all about class. So is our girl Hayden. Doll her up and you get a super sexy bombshell, dress her down and you’ve got the cookie-cutter girl next door. Love it!

Reason four: She has good taste. Although we all love our women a little on the trashy side, we also hate to see their roster list the backwoods dudes from Deliverance.

…