Happy Humper Sex Advice for Men By Women » Ms.Zombie

Crazy Chicks and Sex

Ms.Zombie — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 20:59:29 +0000

She is so sexy, but she will eat you for dinner as well

I was watching the movie May the other day and it hit me that psycho can sometimes come off as sexy. But why? Is it the danger that something horribly wrong could happen? Is it the part of us that wants to experience the unknown.

Either way the second thought to this is why would you want to be with someone who is completely off.

I mean don’t get me wrong I am not a sane child at all, but I know I am not totally crazy. I realized it has to be the sex. So, if you are fucking a crazy chick just let her know you are only fuck buddies, cause if she falls too much for you, you might lose you hands, and then how would you be able to jack off?

Treat Your Girl Like a Drag Queen Would

Ms.Zombie — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 20:55:48 +0000

If She can make her feel special, so can you!

I’ve noticed while watching tv and going out, that drag queens know how to treat a lady and be a lady. What the fuck could I mean? Well, drag queens are very witty and bitchy but they know manners and are polite at the same time. I have gotten complements from them without coming off as sleazy, and at the same time make me feel very pretty and sexy. You don’t need to be in drag make up to do this for a girl. Next time you have time really look at the underlining behavior and speech of a drag queen and maybe you can pick up how to smoothly make a girl feel special

Grab Those Hips For Power Sex

Ms.Zombie — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 20:50:09 +0000

This Chap knows how to do it!!

I dont think there is anything hotter during sex than a guy fully grabbing onto your hips and taking control. I don’t mean hands just laying on the hips, but full on grabbing. If she has thicker thighs then you will get a good handful. It is not only sexy while she is on top of you, but it is even sexier when you are on top of her and take control by doing this. Sex is a battle for control, or atleast it should be sometimes. She be certain to cum from you randomly doing this and fucking the shit out of her.

Jacking off in front of her

Ms.Zombie — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 20:44:58 +0000

Show her who boss

Some times it is sexy to watch a guy jack off. I’m not saying surprise her while she is sleeping and hover over her as your doing it (unless it is a game and that’s what you are into)but I think cranking one out in front of her during sexy time is not a bad thing. She will probably get really turned on and start playing with herself as well.

Thought of the Day: High School Drama

Ms.Zombie — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 20:40:36 +0000

Don't be THAT guy!

If you do not get any from a girl, no matter how much effort you put in, don’t ever let her know how much you are let down by it. Not only do you come off as sad and high school like, but you are losing any type of friend ship or chance of hooking up with her in the future. I want to always have the upper hand, so let her know you had a great time and that next time you would like to hang out with her alittle more. Never ever tell her that she waisted your time, unless you wana come off as an ass.

What is weak, what is right?

Ms.Zombie — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 20:40:14 +0000

I know I mostly focus on the fetishes and the sexy part of sex. However I have been noticing trends in observing people and different relationships and so I decided to go on the lighter side for once.

Emo is not always sexy

I’ll be frankly honest, I hate guys who are too kingly at first. Now if you are in a relationship or long distance I have no problem hearing “I miss you”. If you have only hung out a couple times, are not in a real relationship, or just met, this makes you look kind of sad. It really is a big turn off if a guy says this to me in the first couple months. Maybe it feels like they aren’t strong or maybe like I’m being rushed into something, either way I don’t like it. There are ways to show her you want to be around her with out saying those three words.

I might be coming from a different place though than most girls. To update all you humpers, I was in a 3 and a half year relationship and it ended back in May. Now it feels very odd to be single and I am realizing what I like and what I don’t like more and more. So moral of the story, wait a while before you say you miss her. You might scare her away especially if it is said before anything happens.

Macho is always good, in small bites

Now at the same point if you seem too distant and act too tough you might lose out as well. A woman will only put up with so much. Key word is women. Girls will play along with the games for a long ass time, but some one like us will not. We will entertain your tests and games, but in the end if you don’t crack and tell us what you really want then we will just walk away.

“Ms. Zombie, then where is the line?” To be honest I would say have fun. Enjoy the person, but make sure they are on the same page. You might enjoy it but them not so much. If you feel you found some one special speak up but know you might get hurt. Dating is nothing that is 100% certainty, trust me on this. You jump into it or half ass it. If you half ass it then it will probably fail. Show her how you feel without looking weak, but don’t build your wall too much or she will give up on you. Women are very tricky. I myself have not figured us out since we are all different. But if I have a break through I will let you all know.

The Darker Side of the Foot Fetish

Ms.Zombie — Mon, 24 May 2010 13:22:50 +0000

Like everything there is normally a darker side to a fetish. This doesn’t mean it is bad, it just means that its a tad more dangerous. How could a foot fetish be dangerous? Well 3 common activities with this fetish is bondage of the feet, crushing/ trampling/ peddle pushing, and whipping. They are all basically when pain meets pleasure and is definitely not for every one.

Crushing/ Trampling/ Peddle Pushing:

I know a lot of guys take pride in their family jewels. There are some though that like them boy’s to be tortured. The idea of being punished gets them off and in the foot fetish world it would be done by three things: crushing, trampling, and peddle pushing. They are all very similar and revolve around a woman wearing a boot or stiletto and using the shoe on various parts. Crushing is exactly what it sounds like. Taking the soul of the shoe or the heal and crushing the ball sack or dick. Peddle pushing is mostly done with the soul and I’m sure you can imagine it in your head. Trampling I think is a little more violent because unlike the last two this has a little more force to it. Whichever one you like please be careful and use safe words, you don’t want he to rupture anything.

Bondage:

Yes you can do bondage with the feet. This actually goes back to ancient Asian traditions of trying to keep their women’s feet small. Now a days they use it for sex. It ranges from using rope or cloth to ankle cuffs and toe cuffs. If you decide to go this way make sure that the bonding are not too tight. Also make sure there is an easy way out. If there are locks make sure that they work as well. The last thing you want to do is have to stop sexy time to go to the ER and have them remove your ankle cuffs because the lock jammed and your feet are turning purple.

Whipping:

Ever go to a sex store and see those cat toy looking things? Well those are to inflict pain. Normally they are used for ass cheeks, tits, backs, etc. but you can use them on your feet as well.. I’m not saying go and give her a savage beating on her feet, but a couple good whips won’t hurt. Paddles work well too. Anything really to make you feel in control. Just make sure her feet aren’t fully flexed cause you don’t to over extend the foot when contact is made.

So have fun with your bad self, just make sure you don’t get toooooo hurt.

Foot Fetish for Beginners

Ms.Zombie — Wed, 19 May 2010 13:17:29 +0000

One of the most common body fetishes out there is the foot fetish. Now whether you like long toes, short toes, high arches, slender feet, painted toes, or small feet varies from person to person.. There is no set reason why people have this fetish either. Some people find the curves on the foot very sexy just as some one might look at the curves of hips or tits. Some like it cause it feels good. Either way the foot is considered sexy by many, many people and there are many ways to celebrate sexy feet.

Shoes and Stockings:

One of my favorite parts of foot fetishes is wearing awesome shoes! Heals are normally a plus when it comes to foot lovers, and the higher the heal the better. Just think, you are fucking your favorite lady and she has these awesome FMH (fuck me heals) on. Sexy? Hell ya it is. Whether it be lace up wedges or ballerina heals, it is hard to resist a girl in a good pair of shoes. It doesn’t even stop there. Stockings and socks play as big a roll in this. Your school girl fantasy would not be the same with out her Mary Jane heals with her knee high stockings right? Plus feet in stocking feel great against your skin, and even greater wrapped around you dick, but I’ll get to that topic in a moment.

Senses:

So we went over sight a little with the shoes and the actual shape of the foot, but there are two other senses that get a kick out of feet.

Let’s start of with the obvious, touch. The foot itself has over 7,000 nerve endings which equals lots of feeling. Have you ever had your toes sucked? If yes then you know what I’m talking about. If no, think of it as the equivalent to having a good blow job. Now it will only be good if you are open and willing.

Another thing that is great for foreplay is rubbing and tickling of the foot. It is hard for a girl to say no after a good foot massage. She will be like butter in your hands. For tips on how to look up foot massage movements I recommend our friend google or your local book store. You can always go with tickling as well. The tickling is not so much like “The Tickle Monster” but more light, soft touches and strokes around the soul of the foot. Unlike the foot massage, this will tease her more than relax her, and if you like to see your girl squirm then this is the way to go.

She can also return the favor with a foot job. Yes I said foot job. A foot job is where she places her feet on your junk and rubs you off. She can do this with her toes or cup both of her feet around your shaft, but i promise they both feel good. I have heard stories of guys getting women off with their feet as well. Some times they use their toes to rub her clit, or sometimes it is full on foot fucking. Just make sure your toes are nicely cleaned and cut.

The other sense is taste. Some people get off on the taste of the foot. Personally feet taste like any other part of the body. Just make sure to have her clean her feet before you put it in your mouth. When you do it try some of these tips out:

* Suck on the toes

* Lick between her toes

* Kissing her foot and ankle area

* Nibbling along the arch, side of the foot, back of the heal, and ankle

* Add food like whip cream, chocolate, or honey to it.

I promise she will be squirming more than you know in seconds

Foot fetish is such a broad topic so I will continue with this and go more into the “darker side” of the foot fetish next time. Try these tips and maybe it will bring a little more spice to the bed room. If you don’t like it, then fuck it! At least you tried. Happy Humping all!

MsZombie’s Thought of the Day

Ms.Zombie — Tue, 18 May 2010 13:14:33 +0000

The three day rule is a stupid one. For those of you who don’t know what the three day rule is, it is when you wait three days to call the girl after the first time she goes on a date with you. A lot of times though it is used after the first time she has sex with you. Why is this stupid? Because if you like her, call her or else she will probably move on in those three days. Not that she is a whore, but basically you just made her feel used and why would someone want to put up with that? If you don’t like her then you shouldn’t call ever because then you are leading her on. See it is a lose/lose situation. Plus on top of all of that you should not listen to rules. Rules where made to be broken damn it.

And don’t give me that absence makes the heart grow fonder crap. It does when you have that relationship between you, but after the first date it does nothing. You are trying to see if its worth building that relationship with her, why fuck it up in the beginning. By day two she is probably bad mouthing you to all her friends and deleting your number. So if you want her to come back for more call her later on the first day, even if it is just to see if she is ok. If not just drop her, but don’t let her wait around in limbo to see if she made the cut.

MsZombie’s Thought of the Day

Ms.Zombie — Thu, 13 May 2010 14:21:24 +0000

Driving home tonight I witness a guy trying to pick up a girl by “racing”.

Now let me set the mood for you. I’m completely bummin’ it. I have my glasses on, barely any make up, a hoodie and my hair is pulled up in a pony tail. I have a crappy car as well. I am at a stop light when I realize the car next to me looks like it’s doing the “car potty dance”. It is just going back and forth. Now his car also sucks and has a wanna-be thug in it. So I think to my self ” This is odd” and it was cause who cant just stop at a red light.

Well the light turns green and of course I go. This guy is looking at me trying to get me to race him and also get my number. It was really really sad. I just ignored it and put cruse control on 47 and then really sad truth came out. This fucker kept trying to race me. He stayed next to my car for 7 minutes. It showed me how desperate he really was to get some.

I guess the reason why I am telling you this is to show the stupidity of trying to pick up girls in a car. It’s dumb and more likely then not you wont get anything from it. Just looking out for you gent’s out there.