Insomnia Cure: Hot Midnight Sex
Here at HappyHumper we find many cures for your ailments through hours of research, surveying poor, unsuspecting members of the public, and/or reflecting on personal experience. Lately, I’ve been plagued with a bout of insomnia and I think I have the cure. Hot midnight sex.
One of the most fun things about sex is when and where to have it. In this particular article, if you haven’t guessed, we’ll be talking about the WHEN to have sex and how it’ll benefit you, your lady, and your insomnia (should you have it). If you’re with a partner who is just as in love with sex as you are, then this can strengthen a relationship and build comradery. It can also improve relationships should you have one that’s going down the shitter. Sex, although we like to dismiss it as not the most important thing about a relationship, can make or break ya… even on the women’s end.
As a woman, I am familiar with what we do best which is deny things to ourselves that we know deep down are true. By that I mean it’s possible a woman may not admit she’s being ignored, or has a dull sex life, or even admit that she cares about such things. She may not admit it, but she knows it. And guaranteed if she ever gets that doting, sensual, and thrilling sex life she never knew she always wanted, she will find happiness and contentment. So, we may not admit it, as we don’t want to seem like perverted sex addicts… but sex IS a lot of everything.
Having said all that, I’ll move on. As mentioned before, I’m totally pissed about this insomnia situation that’s been plaguing me. Instead of sleeping, I’m left laying awake at night and thinking. Part of all the thinking has been about sex. Hey, I own a sex advice column what else am I supposed to think about??? Well, it was during all this new thinking time that it crossed my mind to miss having midnight sex… something awful actually. Midnight sex was always great when I’d find myself unsatisfied with the temperature in the room, the itchiness of the sheets, the constant hamster turning on its 
wheel in my head. All of it. Sex is the ultimate no brainer. If you want to de-stress and clear the mind of all your worries, sex is the answer. Not to mention with sex your senses rule all and knock that damn furry bitch off the squeaky wheel faster than you can say “Brooke Burke has a bodacious bottom.” Another plus, it also doesn’t hurt that it takes physical movement which will/should knock you right out.
Midnight sex is a great way to solve a multitude of problems. It’ll cure insomnia (I believe), please your partner (and yourself), and keep things spontaneous and passionate in the relationship. I’m not talking about waiting til 2 in the morning to start doing it. Midnight sex is a sleepy and unplanned kind of passionate love making.
"Hi, ya'll! I'm Wanda!"
If you want to try midnight sex then here are some tips from yours truly. You first need to stroke and kiss your partner awake. What I mean by that, gently coax her out of their sleepy realm with soft, caressing touches and gentle kisses all over her body. Don’t, and I stress DO NOT, jump on her, shove your tongue down her throat and start humping her like a damn redneck with a Realdoll named Wanda. That’s just weird. You do actually want your gal conscious when you’re performing the act.
What I HIGHLY recommend, is that midnight sex begin from behind your partner. Gently coax her out of sleep with all those sweet, sensual movement’s we spoke of above. Kissing the back of her neck, down her spine, or around her hip bones will surely bring her out of Dreamy Land and put her in LaLa Land. Hopefully, after a few minutes she’ll start to moan or stir a little bit. If she’s still snoring then replace her Ambien tomorrow night with a Tylenol cuz bitch is one solid sleeper.
But once you’re confident she’s waking up a little, you’ll know this because she may start reciprocating with some grinding or touching of her own, then start to undress the parts you need. Slide your hand to move whatever she’s sleeping in just out of the way enough for you to enter her. I don’t recommend fully undressing her as this will wake her all the way up and that’s not so hot at this point in the hot midnight sex session.
Ok, so she is exposed enough, here is when you gently slide in for some sweet side sex. After a few minutes of slow, rhythmic side sex she’ll definitely be awake. If you’re both into it, stick with it. If things start to get heavy then feel free to mount. The rest is up to you. Just don’t get too lax and forget to use your methods of protection against pregnancy (whether you pull out and pray or wrap it up).
Try the hot midnight sex trick and see if it doesn’t cure your insomnia.
Also, being a temporary insomniac has left me thinking about the few fella’s I’ve dated who #1, only had sex before bed, as if was the glass of warm milk they had to drink to put them to sleep, and #2, only had sex in the bed. If you are one of these Humpers that feel restricted to a sex schedule in the sack, then try to switch it up a bit… babysteps. We’re going to try at first to have hot sex at unconventional times to get you out of that comfort zone and keep some of the passion alive. For right now you can keep it in the sack if that’s where you’re most comfortable but be prepared, once you’ve ditched the sex schedule and you’re a midnight sex god, we’ll be changing up the location!
Try it and get back to me. Happy Humping!
This post is beyond awesome. I am always wondering what to do and what not to do so I will follow some of these tips.
Thanks E! You are beyond awesome for reading our site!!!
[...] a little) is hot as hell… as is desiring her so much that you’ll take her anywhere at anytime (Hot midnight sex). I should clarify that I’m talking about someone who has and is still having consensual [...]